Nothing, There was Never Hope
by Vannie.2010
Summary: Alex is her name. She is going to an all boys school. Kaidoh is the only one to notice that she's a girl. Alex is living a life of depression. Kaidoh is Alex's only hope to keep her living on 'til the end. KaidohXOC.
1. New School

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Prince of Tennis.  
**I don't expect any review for this story. This will be my first rated M story.  
**This story will contain:**violence-swearing-tragedy-death-and lots of depression **You have been warned.**

**Just something.  
**I'll be writing this story for a while. I haven't given up on my other stories. I written a lot of the next chapters, but the thing is my beta reader is still working on my correction. So I don't want to over load my beta reader with another 20+ pages. To keep me busy, I'll be writing this story on my own. I feel myself in the depression mode. So this story is somewhat relates to my world a little. I have suffered from depression for a long time…guess you didn't need to know that. Don't worry about me, my life is ok now. This is kind of funny. This will be my first time ever swearing.

**I apologize now for any mistakes I make in the story.  
**  
**Note:** **Kaidoh** is in his 2nd year of high school. Age 17. **Momoshiro** is also in his 2nd of high school. Age 17.  
**Alex** is high school, barely made it in the 2nd year time limit. Age 16.

_

* * *

_

_Dear Kaido._

_It's getting lonelier. My world is so dark to me, but its only getting darker.  
__Where ever I go, the people I see…I can tell that their world is full of colors and life. Beautiful colors that I will never get to see one day. Through the eyes I see…I see black and white, and not even a hint of grey.  
__Yesterday I saw a girl around my age; she was jumping up and down in laughter and full of happiness.  
__  
Kaido. I wish my world was like that. It's too late though. Now it's nothing.  
__I know you're not real and only a journal, but you're the only friend I have…_

"ALEX! Get your ass down here!" shouted a man from downstairs. Alex didn't move. She only stared at the entry she written that morning. "ALEX!"

"I'm coming!" Alex shouted back. She quickly hid the book behind her bed, before going downstairs.

"What?" Alex asked when she came down downstairs, and then to see her drunken father sitting at the kitchen table.

"Make some fucking breakfast." he said with a stone tone. It was a better idea to listen and not test him. Alex started to cook some breakfast for him.

There was silence between the two. Finally Alex's father broke the silence, "I'm taking you out of that rich piece of shit."

Alex was not surprise at all; she knew her father wanted her out of that rich ass school. "Where am I going to go to school now?" she said softly. Her father turned at looked at her, "I'm putting you in an all boys school."

"But I'm a girl." Alex told her father.

'Not according to your birth certificate." he shot back.

Alex knew her father didn't ever love her. It was because she was born as a girl…his daughter. However her father never wanted a daughter, he wanted a son instead. He did everything he could to make it seem that he had a son. When she was born he named her Alex. He always kept her hair short, but not too short. Then he would also train her to stay in shape which kept her from growing more girly.

"That birth certificate is a fake." Alex said.

After her mother had died, he took the advantage of creating new documents changing her gender to male. The high class school she was going was chosen by her mother. Since now she is gone, he was going to have everything done his way. He was a very smart man, so the first thing he had done was change the papers. Then now…transferring her to an all boys school. To make his dream come true that he has son instead of a daughter, regardless of her feelings.

"I don't give a damn about your excuses. Your going." he said coldly. "Your uniform is in the closet."

"I don't want to go to an all boys school!" Alex snapped. "I rather die then to listen to you anymore! I've had it! I have a life you know! Face it…no matter how much you try to change me, I'll ALWAYS BE YOUR DAUGHTER!"

That statement really pissed him off. He stood up then violently grabbed her. He threw her against the nearest wall. Feeling the hard impact against her back, Alex fell to her knees. The pain shot through her whole back.

"DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT TO ME AGAIN!" he yelled as he struck her across the face hard. "YOU WILL RESPECT MY DECISION!" he slapped her harder across the face again in the same spot.

"I'm sorry." cried Alex. The pain was too much for her to handle. "I'M SORRY!" she begged him to stop. He did. "Forget breakfast. I lost my appetite. Get you ass up and get ready." he demanded. Alex did she was told.

After getting ready, Alex noticed her belongings by the door. "What are y-"

"You're going to be living in the dorms over there. You can keep the car with you." he said coldly. Alex could feel something had been lifted. She was relieved to believe that she was going to be living away from his abuse. "You're really letting me stay there?" she asked.

Alex's father looked at her with hard eyes, "What? You want to stay here? Fine."

"No. No. I'll go." Alex said. She couldn't believe that finally she was set free from her father. Alex's father looked at her face where he struck her, "Did you put foundation on?"

"Not yet." she said touching her bruise cheek bone. Alex turned around and went into the bathroom.

Foundation was the only thing female product she could use. Covering up the bruise, Alex looked in the mirror. She didn't look boyish or girly…just…normal. If you thought she looked like a girl, she looked like a girl. If you thought she looked like a boy, your mind makes her look like a boy. People never ask, they only assume.

'_I'm free_.' Alex thought as she stared at her reflection. She watched her purple eyes fill with water. Alex then felt her cold tears finding its way down her cheek. This has to be the best news she heard in forever. Seeing herself cry slowly, she could see the cheerful girl in her.

"ALEX!" shouted her father in the living room.

"I'm coming." she called out. Alex quickly wiped her eyes. Before going back to her father, she went into what now use to be her room and grabbed her journal from behind the bed.

"I'm leaving now." Alex said walking to her car door. "Alex. Do well in school, ok?"

Alex nodded, and then got into her car.

He tapped on the window. She slowly rolls down the car window. "Don't let anyone find out you're a girl, got that?" he ordered looking at her dead cold. He smirked, "Make me proud…If not, you'd wish I was never your father to begin with." He slowly touched her face softly with a finger. "Don't upset me…" He kissed her.

After he walked inside, Alex quickly drove off. She could feel her body trembling in fear. '_I might be physically away from him, but…mentally…he's still torturing me_.' Trying to calm down, Alex turned her music loud. She listened to the heaving beating of the drums, the heavy metal, and the guy screaming like crazy. '_I'm still nothing_.'

**xXx**

"Hey mamushi! I have great news!" smirked Momoshiro standing behind Kaidoh.

"I don't want to hear it." Kaidoh said annoyed. "And who told you, you could come in here?!"

"Calm down mamushi. I only came here to get some of my last things…" Momoshiro had a huge grin on his face during the long pause. Kaidoh knew what he was going to say. "…because I'm moving out!" Momo started to dance in circles. "I'm moving out. Uh-huh, I'm moving out."

"SHUT UP!" Kaidoh shouted. "You're only moving across from me, baka."

Momo got angry, and wanted to strangle him there and now. However, both Momoshiro and Kaidoh couldn't or there would be in serious trouble. They couldn't fight because of what happen at their other high school two weeks ago. Two weeks ago, both of them got into the biggest fight and got kicked out. For some random reason both of them end up going to the same school again. This time, an all boys school.

Trying hard to hold in the anger, Momo smirked. "But I get my place to myself. You're getting a new guy today."

"I don't care." Kaidoh said as he too tried to calm down. Truth is, he didn't really care if got another roommate or not. As long as the guy wasn't like Momoshiro. "As long he's not you, I'll be fine."

That pissed off Momo. "You know what?!"

"WHAT?!" Kaidoh glared at Momo. Now he didn't care if got kicked out again. He was going to set Momo straight.

"Excuse me. Is one of you Kaidoh Kaoru?" Momo and Kaidoh stopped their fight and turned towards the doorway. Momo smiled, "Yeah. He is." pointing to Kaidoh.

"Are you my new roommate?" Kaidoh asked in his polite tone of voice, as he was taught to for a guest. Alex nodded. "Yeah. I'm Alex."

"Nice to meet you. I'm Momoshiro Takeshi, but call me Momo." Momo said as he gave one of his friendly smiles. "I'll been leaving then." with that, Momo left across the hall into his place.

"Baka." Kaidoh muttered under his breath. He looked at Alex. "Make yourself at home."

Alex was confused. "I thought we had class."

"No. Today there will be no class, but tomorrow we do." Kaidoh explained. Alex nodded. She put her bag in the closet without unpacking. Ignoring Kaidoh, she went straight to her new bed and lay down. Herself facing the wall, she went right to sleep.

"I guess him and I will get along just fine." thought Kaidoh. He went back to working on his homework.


	2. The Truth

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Prince of Tennis.  
Forgot to mention Kaidoh is going to be kind of out of character. To make the story work.  
I wasn't in the mood to write a long one this time. Next time I will.**

* * *

Next morning, Kaidoh woke up early at his regular time. Looking over to his new roommate's bed, he notices Alex wasn't there. '_Whatever_.' was his only thought. Kaidoh got out of bed. He began to his regular morning exercises before taking his morning run.

_Dear Kaido._

_Yesterday…I don't know what I felt that day. It felt like there was finally hope, but then in the end…I'm still lonely. Nothing has change. My stupid fucking father is making going to an all boys school…but I'm a GIRL! I'm telling you, I'm happy that I'm away from him. I'm happy that I won't get hit again. But…_

_Kaido, last night I had the dream of him again. I might be away but inside…I'm still being tortured. I dreamed of what happened last year. I dream of him grabbing and hitting me…the heavy drinking that he did after mom died. Kaido, I'm scared. I'm scared…and that dream just won't fucking go away._

_Never mind about that. I have some interesting new to tell you. My roommate is named Kaido too. I don't know about you but having two Kaido's in one room is just strange. Since you don't know what he looks like I'll describe him to you. He's tall…like tall. Really fit too, It likes he plays a ceratain sport. Guess what Kaido…me and him have the same hair style. Oh, yeah. He had this friend with him yesterday…I think his name was Momo? He seems a nice guy. If we were ever to be friends, I don't know what give in return…I mean I have nothing. Ok, I don't want to write a story so I'll be going now. Bye Kaido_.

Kaidoh was running his regular routine when he saw Alex. He saw Alex sitting by the river near the bridge where he does his training. '_Great_.' Kaidoh walked over to Alex, "Hey. What are you doing here?"

Alex quickly shut her journal and then turned towards the deep voice. "Nothing." Alex replied. Kaidoh stared at her then dig in his pockets. "Here. The key to the room." he said tossing the key to Alex.

"Thanks." Alex only said. She turned and faced the river. Silence was between the two. Kaidoh sighed. "What are you doing at an all boys school anyways?"

"What?" Alex looked up at Kaidoh.

"What are you doing at an all boys school?" he repeated. "You can't fool me."

"What? I'm only going to school." Alex told him. '_Does he know_?'

'Cut the crap." Kaidoh said looking at her straight in the eye. "I know you're a girl." Alex looked away from him. "…Well?" Kaidoh demanded.

Tears started to fall. "It…It wasn't my fault. I never wanted to come…it's my stupid father's fault." Alex said with coldness in her eyes. "Please don't tell anyone. Please."

Kaidoh could see how much pain she was in. He thought if he turned her in, he had this feeling it wasn't going to end well. "Fine, but you have to explain everything to me." Alex nodded. Kaidoh was about to leave. "Kaidoh." Alex called him.

"What is it?" Kaidoh asked. "How did you know I was a girl?" she asked him.

Kaidoh shrugged. "You should be careful of what you pack. I was being polite and unpacking for you then I saw those…things…"

'_Shit_.' Alex thought angrily to her self. "You saw them didn't you?" Kaidoh nodded then left her to be. Alex thought to her self, '_Stupid periods_.'

* * *

**Nothing much yet. Only setting everything up.**


	3. I want it to End

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Prince of Tennis.  
Except my OC, Alex.**

* * *

Evening came around. Since that morning, Kaidoh continued on with his run leaving Alex alone by the river. Later Alex went on to class which she found out that she was in the same class as Kaidoh and Momo. During school she kept everything to herself and didn't exchange any kinds of words to her classmate. Not even the teachers. After school was done Alex went to her dorm and slept. Kaidoh, not worried about her, went with Momo to tennis practice afterschool.

Later that evening Kaidoh returned to his place from tennis practice. He took his keys out his pocket and opened the door. When he walked inside, it was completely dark. No lights were on, TV was off, and it felt like he was living by himself.

"Alex?" Kaidoh asked as he turned on the lamp next to his bed. Looking over at Alex's bed, he saw here laying there. Her body turned to the wall. He wasn't sure if she was sleep. "Hey." Kaidoh said. Not waiting for a responds, Kaidoh continued. "I brought some dinner."

"I'm not hungry." Alex stated not turning around to look at him. Kaidoh didn't care. He took his dinner and went to his bed. Then he started to work on his homework while eating his dinner. It was silence for a while.

Kaidoh eyed her couple of times. "Tell me why you're here." he finally said. Alex didn't move from her position. "I told you, my father made me."

"Doesn't he know you're a girl?" Alex didn't respond. Not hearing a respond, Kaidoh looked over to her. He was about to ask another question, but then stopped himself. '_Why do I want to know this stuff in the first place_?' Kaidoh thought.

From there he went his own way. Not knowing that she is struggling deep inside.

**xXx**

Days passed. Couple of weeks passed. Hardly anything was changing for Alex. It had been the same routine every single day. School. Going to sleep once school is over. Kaidoh coming home late after tennis practice with dinner.

At first, Kaidoh got mad at Alex by the way she wasted food that he paid for. Out from his own pocket. He tried to be a nice person to her, by buying food for her. Which he never does for someone. After all the wasted food, he ended up giving Momo dinner every night.

Kaidoh later started to notice her unhealthy habits everyday. He has only seen Alex eaten small amounts of breakfasts and nothing else. No lunch or dinner. Also he noticed her sleeping a lot. They hardly ever talk and Alex never would speak to him. Kaidoh felt kind of concern for Alex, but he didn't know what to do or say.

Kaidoh is a 'keep to yourself' guy. He hardly talks to girls, since they always run from him before a word comes out of his mouth. He also didn't know what to say to girls. Either he would try to keep himself from blushing or looking like an idiot. That's what Kaidoh thinks anyways, if ever a girl talked to him.

But somehow Kaidoh thought this was different. He didn't feel that way when it came to Alex. He's in the same room with a girl…living in that room together. Kaidoh felt like…he didn't know what it felt like. It just felt normal living with Alex, even if she were a girl.

**xXx**

One morning. Alex woke up thinking it would be another day of nothing. She noticed Kaidoh was already gone. '_He's probably doing his morning run_.' Looking over at the table, there was breakfast ready with a note next to it.

Alex got out of bed and went over to the table. Only for the note and not for the breakfast. The note read, "_Alex. Eat something_."

Alex debated on the thought if she should eat or not. But then she'd give in and started to eat the breakfast Kaidoh had ready for her. Alex told herself, this was going to be last breakfast she was going to eat. She didn't want to live another day where there was nothing to look forward to. '_Nothing hasn't changed at all…what's the point of living_?' After eating, what would be her last; Alex got ready and left out the door.

**xXx**

Alex didn't know how to…end her life. It wasn't like she was an expert on suicide.

'_Whoever thinks about how there going to end their life_?' Alex thought walking along side a bridge. She slid her hand along side the thick rail. '_I'll just do it like they do in the movies…jump off a bridge_.'

Alex leaned and looked over the bridge.

'_What's the point of living life? What is there to live for_?' Alex played these questions over and over in her head. Every answer, Alex would hear herself say, "Nothing." Hearing that word repeated over and over brought tears to her eyes.

It really does hurt when you're lonely. It hurts painfully when there is no one there to talk to, no friends. The feeling that you're lost in dark…the emptiness inside. To wake up everyday and to know it will always be the same.

Slowly, Alex climbed up and stood on the rail. Tears started to flow down her face. She could feel her body trembling. When you chose to take your life, you get scared at the same time.

"ALEX!! DON'T YOU JUMP!!"

Alex knew that voice. She knew that voice belong to the guy that took care of her. The guy that she knew very little about. '_I'm sorry Kaidoh…I can't handle this pain no more…I just can't anymore_.' Alex took that one step.

Kaidoh ran. "ALEX!!" he shouted. With quick reflexes, Kaidoh barely caught hold of Alex's wrist.

Alex stopped in midair. She felt the strong grasp on her wrist. Looking up, her teary eyes meet the serious eyes of Kaidoh's. "What do you think your doing?!" Kaidoh shouted angrily, while holding on tight to her wrist. Her life was now in Kaidoh's hands.

"Let go Kaidoh!" Alex cried out. "…let go." her voice trembling.

"No. I won't let you." Kaidoh said.

"Let go Kaidoh! I don't want to live another fucking second!" Alex shouted through her tears.

"Don't end your life here!" Kaidoh raised his voice. He reached his other hand over the rail. "Give me your other hand." Alex didn't…she let herself hang there. She looked down to see the raging waters slam against the huge rocky boulders.

"Alex. Look at me." Kaidoh's voice went soft. Alex slowly looked up at him. She saw Kaidoh's soft eyes. "Don't end here."

"Kaidoh…" Alex said softly. Kaidoh felt her wrist relaxed and loose. He quickly grip hold of her wrist tighter. "Alex…D-do it for me. Stay here; with me…I'll be here with you."

"I can't…" Alex said softly. She closed her eyes. '_I can't anymore_…'

"Alex. If you die here, I'll die with you." Kaidoh said in a serious tone. Alex quickly met Kaidoh eyes. She didn't want Kaidoh to die because of her. Slowly Alex's free hand reached for Kaidoh's other hand. Kaidoh grabbed hold of her hand and pulled her up.

Once Alex was safely on the other side; she collapsed into Kaidoh's arms. Holding onto his sleeves tightly, Alex cried on his chest. "I'm sorry Kaidoh…I'm sorry…"

"It's ok. It's ok…your safe now." Kaidoh said softly as he put his arms around her. He let her cry all the pain she was carrying, on him. Kaidoh decided not to go to class that day. He had a feeling that he should stay with her until he knew what was hurting her deeply.

* * *

**Nothing much to say...**


	4. Can We be Friends?

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Prince of Tennis.**

* * *

Kaidoh carried Alex on his back, heading back to their place. Alex cried softly on his shoulder. Kaidoh didn't mind at all. He thought the best thing for her was to let her feelings out by crying.

"My father never loved me." Alex said quietly through her tears, that only Kaidoh could hear.

"Was it because you're a girl?" Kaidoh asked.

"Yeah…he never wanted a daughter but a son. He was the one that named me Alex…" Alex didn't know what else to say. She never talked about her life or feelings to someone but in her journal. Kaidoh noticed and decided to take over the conversation.

"What about your mother?" Kaidoh asked. He wanted to know everything that had hurt Alex.

"My mother wasn't like my dad. My mom loved both of us…she was the one that kept my father happy."

"So your mother loved you, and kept your father happy…but did your mother make you happy?" Kaidoh asked. Alex didn't say anything.

When Alex finally spoke, her voice trembled. "She didn't. She wanted me to enjoy life…by myself. She wasn't there for me like a mother would." Kaidoh heard her voice choke. He knew Alex was trying to hold in the emotion.

"Let it out." Kaidoh said. Alex did.

"She wasn't there when I need her. It was like I was on my own in this stupid world. The only thing she did was control my father from hurting me."

"How do know that your mother loved you when she wasn't there for you?" Kaidoh asked. Alex never thought about it.

"I don't know. I don't know if she really loved me." Alex was quiet for a while. "When I was little, I always was lonely. I always felt like it was my fault that I was born a girl. One time I was walking home from school and I saw this older guy sitting in an alley. I saw him cutting himself, and I asked him why he was doing that to himself."

Kaidoh listened to the story.

"He told me that it was his fault and he was punishing himself. Then I started to think that way. I told myself that I had to punish myself, because it was my fault. My mother founded me in the bathroom. She saw that I was about to hurt myself, she stopped me before I did anything. All she told me was 'I love you.' and walked off."

"Your mother does love you. It sounds to me that she's been protecting you. Your mother may not come to your every need but she protected you." Kaidoh explained.

Alex thought about it. Then her voice went cold. "But she loved my father more than me. She cared more about him then me, and she was only the women my father ever loved in return. I was in the way."

Kaidoh noticed the coldness in her voice, and she went back to subject of her father. "What did your father do to you?" he asked in a serious tone. Alex was silence.

"…He's the nightmare of my life." Alex only said. "He's the one that destroyed everything…"

"Did he ever hurt you physically?" Kaidoh asked. He knew now that her father really hurt her mentally.

"He did." Alex said. Alex rested her head on his shoulder. "…can we talk about this later?" she asked softly.

Kaidoh nodded. "Fine. But promise me that you won't hurt yourself." Alex could feel this tiny hope in her soul. She felt like there was someone out there that really cared, and that someone was carrying her.

"I won't…Kaidoh?" Alex asked quietly.

"Hmm?"

"Could we be friends?"

"Yeah." Kaidoh responded. "Like I said back at the bridge, I'll be here for you."

"Thank you." Alex whisper before she softly closed her eyes. It was still a long walk back to the dorms, and wanted to rest a bit.

Kaidoh could feel her soft breathing against his neck. He tried so hard not to blush, but couldn't help it. Small shades of pink mixed with red found its way across his face. It took awhile until he regained his composure.

Kaidoh now knew that he had to stick with his words and be there for Alex. Kaidoh didn't know why he wasn't being himself. He didn't know why he'd showed the side of him opposite from what he treats Momo. He felt that he wasn't the same person around Alex. '_I hope I don't fall for this girl_.'

**xXx**

Kaidoh carried Alex to a nearby small food market. He didn't feel like going back to the dorms right away, instead he was hungry.

"Alex." Kaidoh said. Alex didn't move or respond. "Wake up!" Kaidoh raised his voice.

"What?!" Alex whined as she shifted her head the other way from Kaidoh. Alex didn't like wake up calls. Kaidoh scowled. He couldn't believe he was being kind and comforting to her, and in return she whines.

"Wake up or I'll drop your ass." he threaten. Alex glared at him.

"You wouldn't."

"Watch me." Kaidoh then let go of Alex. Alex tightened her arms around his neck and pulled him down with her. -THUD-

Alex opened her eyes to see the clear blue sky. "Oww." she rubbed the back of her head with her free arm. "Get the fuck off me! You're heavy!"

Kaidoh quickly moved off of Alex and stood up. "Shut up. It's your fault for pulling me down." He said in his harsh rough tone.

"It's your fault for letting go!"

Kaidoh didn't want to her this. "Get your ass up." Alex stood up and brushed some dirt off.

"…I'm sorry, Kaidoh." Alex apologized. Kaidoh nodded. "Hey, why are we here? I thought we were going back to the dorms?"

"I wanted to get something to eat." Kaidoh straight out said. He glanced at Alex. "You need to eat something too." Alex only nodded. The two walked off to find something to eat.

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**Sorry for not updating this story in a long time. D:  
Sorry if the mother thing was confusing.**

MyPrinceOishi08.


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